Why Bars Are Better

You can count on me to furnish dessert at meetings, parties, and potlucks; I never turn down an opportunity to seduce strangers with sugar. I bring bar desserts, natch, but my allegiance to the 8 x 8-inch pan is not so rabid as to blind me to reason. I'll concede that cupcakes are trendy and pies are homey. The beauty of bars, however, is fivefold:

1. No Transportation Trouble - Bars can be conveniently stacked, even when frosted. Cupcakes require fussy care in transit if they are to remain precious by party time. Moreover, a pyramid of brownies looks much more dramatic and appealing than a pile of deflated cookies. Carry bars in clear tupperware on the Metro and you'll garner at least five phone numbers before you get off.
2. Finger-Friendly - Unlike cakes or pies, bars can be enjoyed sans silverware. For this your host will be thankful. Guests are also more likely to enjoy a dessert they can simply pick up and nibble on while mingling. When one less person in a room is gesturing with a fork, that's a good thing.
3. Portion Control - The ideal bar is 2 x 2 inches, a size that both pardons dieters from their sweet transgression and allows for a full but not overwhelming experience of the bar. Hedonists (me, me, me!) can always pick up a second or third bar. Since we're not in kindergarten anymore, don't cut bars so big that guests must share nicely.
4. Crustlessness - Almost any cookie dough can be slathered into a pan and baked in bar form. This practice produces an Elysian plane of the cookie's winningest feature: its soft, gooey interior. I do not trim the edges from my bar desserts because the thought of throwing any part of a dessert away makes me misty. I do, however, keep the corners. These I eat immediately, while standing, cutting knife in hand, barely a breath between bites.
5. Mirthful Mouthful - It is impossible to elegantly consume a cupcake without flatware (see Bar Benefit #2). They are usually a smidgen too big for the mouth but not big enough that you don't give it an awkward go. The next thing you know you're sporting a Nair-like smear of frosting on your upper lip, a thousand crumbs have pooled in your lap, and your jaw aches. There is real beauty in the simplicity of the bite-and-chew bar.

Keep these facts in mind the next time you're nominated to be the bearer of good food. Bar desserts make your life easier and everyone else's night better.