In February, for the first time in my life, I spat out chocolate. Three times.
Episode #1: While meandering through the faux marché of my local Wegmans, I spotted a bony little bakery sprite safeguarding a tray of truffles behind the counter. I don't wish to intimidate people with my height (I'm 5'11; chocolate milk did this body good) except in the procurement of free food. I sidled up to the wee salesperson and asked, in a purposefully imperative tone, if she was in the possession of samples. The petite peddler nodded wordlessly, toothpicked a truffle, and handed it to me.
Episode #1: While meandering through the faux marché of my local Wegmans, I spotted a bony little bakery sprite safeguarding a tray of truffles behind the counter. I don't wish to intimidate people with my height (I'm 5'11; chocolate milk did this body good) except in the procurement of free food. I sidled up to the wee salesperson and asked, in a purposefully imperative tone, if she was in the possession of samples. The petite peddler nodded wordlessly, toothpicked a truffle, and handed it to me.
Anyone, I learned, can make a Wegmans truffle at home in under five minutes. Find a dying houseplant, scoop up some potting soil with a melon baller, and roll the dirt into a ball. Dust with cocoa powder. Thank me later.Episode #2: It surprises many to learn that an acerbic character such as myself would delight in serving the working poor. On Valentine's Day I expressed my love for mankind by serving chili and brownies - generously donated by a local café - to D.C.'s hungry homeless. Once all were served the volunteers were urged to eat the leftovers, lest any food go to waste. I peeled a Play-Doh-y slab of brownie from its pile. Extend the Play-Doh imagery to every sensual impression a baked good can affect. My sympathy for street people reached new depths.
Episode #3: I'm a pillager. I do not steal in stealth, as thieves do. I break into and enter no property, as burglars do. I take what I want - in this case, the Valentine's Day loot of friends and family - by means of friendly force (meaningless threats). So it was that I seized several mousses from the Limited Edition Godiva Mousse Collection. You tell me: what is a "tropical" filling? Putrefied pineapple? Moldered mango? Soured coconut milk? I couldn't put my finger on it, but I immediately regretted putting it on my tongue.
Until now, my love of chocolate has always overpowered my gag reflex. This sweet tooth has never been so selective. If you're a baked good pusher or user, tell me: have rampant in-house baking habits hampered your ability to appreciate lesser desserts? If so, do you consider this development a blessing or a curse?
Learn about potted plants!
Episode #3: I'm a pillager. I do not steal in stealth, as thieves do. I break into and enter no property, as burglars do. I take what I want - in this case, the Valentine's Day loot of friends and family - by means of friendly force (meaningless threats). So it was that I seized several mousses from the Limited Edition Godiva Mousse Collection. You tell me: what is a "tropical" filling? Putrefied pineapple? Moldered mango? Soured coconut milk? I couldn't put my finger on it, but I immediately regretted putting it on my tongue.
Until now, my love of chocolate has always overpowered my gag reflex. This sweet tooth has never been so selective. If you're a baked good pusher or user, tell me: have rampant in-house baking habits hampered your ability to appreciate lesser desserts? If so, do you consider this development a blessing or a curse?
Learn about potted plants!
5 comments:
Ha! The Wegmans cartoon cracks me up!
I can't eat a store-made nanimo bar to save my life. Ditto those one-bite brownies every grocery store sells, and most store-made cakes too. The frosting is 100% lard, it seems. Baking at home has expanded my waistline but streamlined my tastebuds!
I am SO with you on this one. My own cooking, and more eating GOOD food and paying for in in nicer eateries has RUINED me for main stream fare that used to make me RUN for applebee's quesidillas and papa john's pizza.
And I find that I am satisfied with so much less of something truly tasty.
Just today in fact, I was pondering the choices of cookies in the Pepperidge Farm dept, to put in my kids lunches. Then I left that aisle, bought 2 pounds of butter and some bittersweet chocolate chips and went home and baked.
My fiends think I am whacked. But I like GOOD FOOD. And I am willing not only to bake it, but to SHARE so that others don't have to suffer.
Growing up in the 60's with "Mrs. Cleaver" for my wonderful Mom, I never had a cookie from the store. I now love to bake too and am shocked at what goes in the store cookies!
Over the last few years my DH and I have also become "chocolate snobs." We enjoy trying any new chocolate bars at our local health food store, but I have found nothing better than Dagoba!
Yes, yes, yes! My standards have gone up infinitely the better I've been able to cook and bake. As time goes on, less and less at Wegmans appeals to me. But their Manhattan Pecan Kuchen still rocks.
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