Trashy Blondes

In 2007 we watched a parade of classless women dress themselves to the nines, drink themselves to fame, and then hit their heads on cop car roofs. Why didn't we turn away? Because incidences offered by Paris, Lindsay, Britney, et al. give us the chance to say - free of irony - "What was she thinking?!" We are safe from snappy comebacks because most of us have never taken Jell-O shots during custody battles.

Since I want this blog to be just as difficult to turn away from as an inebriated Olsen twin, I added crushed pretzels and powdered graham crackers (both generic-brand) to an innocent blondie recipe. The resulting bars I called Trashy Blondes. What was I thinking, right?

The graham crackers added a not-unpleasant sandy texture to the bar, but their contribution to the blondie's flavor was unidentifiable. The pretzels' snap must have staled in the oven. White, chunky, and sweet though both white chocolate chips and Dr. Phil may be, neither could offer enough support to save these Trashy Blondes.

So why share this recipe at all? Three reasons.

1. I need a second post, stat.
2. Trashy Blondes, even in subprime states, photograph gloriously well. Sober brownies would be green for envy if they were not inherently, you know, brown.
3. The blondie recipe that I violated in the process of making Trashy Blondes is worth its weight is gold. It's from the Joy of Cooking, a book on which I swear in court whenever a Bible is absent.

You can decide how to accessorize your blondes. Remember, police tracking ankle bracelets are mandatory.

Trashy Blondes















1/3 c. crushed graham crackers
1/3 c. crushed pretzel sticks
4 oz. white chocolate baking bar, broken into little shards
1 c. all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/8 tsp. salt
1 stick unsalted butter
2/3 c. packed light brown sugar
1/4 c. sugar
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1 tbl. light corn syrup
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Line an 8 x 8-inch baking pan with greased aluminum foil, leaving a little overhang on the sides to later facilitate removing the Trashy Blondes later (if only it were so simple in real life).

2. Whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.

3. In a large, heavy saucepan, melt and then boil the butter until it is light golden brown, stirring continuously. This happens rather quickly after about 4 minutes.

4. Remove butter from heat; stir in the brown sugar and white sugar. Let cool until "barely warm." Then stir the egg, egg yolk, corn syrup, and vanilla into the butter-sugar mixture.

5. Next stir in the flour mixture, graham cracker crumbs, white chocolate chunks, and pretzel bits. Pour the batter into the pan, spread to the edges, and bake for 30 minutes. Let cool before lifting Trashy Blondes from the pan and cutting in cute little squares. Or just make a wreck of it in the pan.